Surrogacy has become an increasingly popular and fulfilling way to build a family, especially for those who face medical, genetic, or situational barriers to carrying a pregnancy. As someone who has gone through the surrogacy journey (twice!) firsthand, I know how beautiful and transformative it can be. But I also know it’s not without its challenges. For many intended parents, surrogacy involves a complex emotional and logistical process that can be both inspiring and exhausting.

Understanding the pros and cons of surrogacy can be incredibly helpful before you embark on this path. Having a clear view of both the advantages and disadvantages can help you make informed decisions, prepare for what’s ahead, and navigate the process with confidence. In this post, I’ll talk about the advantages and disadvantages of surrogacy for intended parents, based on both personal experience and broader insights into the surrogacy process.

What Are The Pros And Cons Of Surrogacy For Intended Parents

Learning about the surrogacy process for intended parents is one of the most empowering things you can do as you begin your own family-building journey. Whether you’re considering working with a surrogacy agency, an independent gestational carrier, or a known surrogate mother, understanding how the system works from matching, to legal contracts, to embryo transfers to birth can help you better appreciate the pros and cons involved.

With the right information, prospective parents can set realistic expectations, weigh emotional and financial costs, and better prepare for the kind of relationship they want with their gestational surrogate. Surrogacy is a remarkable option, but it’s important to go into it with eyes wide open.

How Does Surrogacy Work For Intended Parents?

The surrogacy journey or process typically begins when a person or couple (the intended parents) decide to grow their family through someone else carrying a pregnancy for them.

With gestational surrogacy, the gestational surrogate (sometimes called a gestational carrier) has no genetic relationship to the baby. Instead, the embryo is created via in vitro fertilization (IVF), often using the intended mother’s egg or an egg donor, and the intended father’s sperm or a sperm donor.

The intended parents may work with a surrogacy agency, which assists with all elements of the process: recruitment, screening and matching of surrogates; managing medical and psychological evaluations; coordinating with attorneys on legal contracts and clinics on coordination of care. Some may choose to work independently, which can offer more control but requires careful attention to surrogacy laws and logistics.

Once matched, and after legal contracts are signed, the surrogacy process continues through embryo transfer and (hopefully!) pregnancy and birth. The intended parents and surrogate remain in close communication, ideally forming a respectful and supportive bond throughout the pregnancy.

What Are The Advantages And Disadvantages Of Surrogacy For Intended Parents

There are many aspects of surrogacy to consider. While the pros of surrogacy are compelling, especially for those unable to conceive or carry, it’s important to consider the cons of surrogacy as well. Let’s explore both sides of this emotional and life-changing path.

What Are The Advantages Of Surrogacy For Intended Parents

Allows for a genetic connection to the baby

One of the biggest pros of surrogacy is that it often allows intended parents to be genetically related to the baby. In gestational surrogacy, you can use your own genetic material, meaning your child is biologically yours even if you’re not the one carrying them.

Builds families for people facing medical or situational barriers

Whether due to infertility, medical complications, or LGBTQ+ family building, surrogacy involves hope for those who otherwise may not be able to have children - biological or otherwise. It opens the door for diverse families to grow in affirming and empowering ways.

High success rates with IVF

With modern in vitro fertilization (IVF) technology, success rates for embryo transfers continue to improve. Working with a qualified fertility clinic and a healthy gestational carrier increases the odds of a successful pregnancy.

Legal protections in place

Many states and countries have robust surrogacy laws that protect the rights of intended parents and surrogate. This legal clarity helps ensure that everyone involved is on the same page, especially when working with a reputable surrogacy agency.

Meaningful relationships with gestational surrogates

The relationship between intended parents and surrogate can be incredibly meaningful. Many families remain in close contact with their surrogate mother after the birth, honoring the deep bond that forms during the pregnancy.

What Are The Disadvantages Of Surrogacy For Intended Parents

Emotionally challenging

One of the lesser-discussed cons of surrogacy is how emotionally challenging it can be. Trusting someone else to carry your child requires immense vulnerability. Add in previous fertility trauma, delays, or complications, and the emotional toll can be significant.

Financially burdensome

Surrogacy is prohibitively expensive for many families. Between IVF procedures, agency fees, legal costs, and surrogate compensation, the total can range from $100,000 to $200,000+ in the U.S. That’s not including unexpected costs like bed rest, twins, or NICU stays.

Complex legal and logistical process

While many jurisdictions have favorable surrogacy laws, others don’t. Navigating the legal side (especially in states or countries with restrictions around either surrogacy and/or pregnancy termination) requires experienced legal counsel. Working with an ethical, experienced surrogacy agency in addition is essential.

No guarantee of success

Even with great success rates, there is no guarantee that the first transfer (or even the third!) will result in a pregnancy. Many intended parents experience multiple failed transfers or gestational surrogates who face medical setbacks. The journey can feel long and uncertain.

Ethical and societal questions

Some people feel conflicted about the ethics of surrogacy, especially when it involves compensation. There are also valid concerns about the cons of being a surrogate, particularly regarding emotional impact and health risks. These are complex issues that deserve open and thoughtful conversation.

Final Thoughts

Surrogacy is not the right path for everyone, but for many, it’s a deeply meaningful and rewarding way to grow a family. It offers the chance to be genetically related to the baby (if that works for your family and your fertility!), to build powerful connections, and to bring a child into the world through extraordinary cooperation and care.

If you’re just beginning to explore this path, take time to learn about the surrogacy process, prepare emotionally and financially, and seek out community from others who’ve gone before you. (You can start here: How to Approach the Surrogacy Process). Most of all, know that every path to parenthood is valid, and that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to family building.

If you’re curious about what surrogacy might look like for your family, reach out! I’d love to share more of our story and offer support however I can.

What Are The Pros And Cons Of Surrogacy