The Surrogate Match Process
How Intended Parents and Surrogates Find the Perfect Fit
Embarking on a surrogacy journey is one of the most emotional, complex, and transformative experiences a person or couple can take. From the initial excitement to the many details of medical screening, legal processes, and emotional readiness, there are countless steps that must align to make the journey successful. One of the most pivotal parts of the surrogacy process is the surrogate match process — the stage where intended parents are connected with a surrogate who will carry their child.
Matching a surrogate and intended parents can be intricate. It’s not simply about pairing two parties — it’s about aligning personalities, values, and expectations, in additio to finding the right fit medically and legally. Understanding how this matching process works can help both surrogates and intended parents feel prepared, confident, and emotionally grounded as they begin this incredible partnership.
Today, I’m dedicating this post to explaining the Surrogate Match Process — what it means, how it works, and the key criteria used to ensure that every match is made thoughtfully and with care.
What Is the Surrogate Match Process?
The surrogate match process refers to the structured and intentional way that a surrogacy agency or concierge service brings together a gestational surrogate and intended parents. It’s the foundational step that sets the tone for the rest of the surrogacy journey.
The process begins after both the surrogate applicant and the intended parents have completed preliminary evaluations. These typically include background checks, psychological assessments, medical records reviews, and sometimes in-person or virtual interviews. A case manager or matching coordinator then works closely with both parties to ensure that each side’s expectations and values are aligned before moving forward.
Because surrogacy is as much an emotional and relational experience as it is a medical and legal one, this stage is deeply personal. The goal isn’t just to find a surrogate but to create a relationship that feels right, respectful, and emotionally safe for everyone involved.
To better understand this, you might also find it helpful to read about what is gestational surrogacy process, which breaks down the broader stages of surrogacy beyond the matching phase.
How Does Surrogate Matching Work
The surrogacy matching process unfolds in several stages. Each is designed to ensure that both parties are fully informed, comfortable, and aligned before any medical or legal steps begin.
Step One: Screening Process
The screening process is the first and most crucial stage. Before anyone is considered for a match, both the surrogate and intended parents should go through extensive screening:
Medical screening: The surrogate’s overall medical history, labor and delivery records, and prior pregnancy details are carefully reviewed by the surrogacy agency she is working with. This helps the Intended Parents’ fertility specialist confirm that she’s physically qualified to be a gestational surrogate, and that the journey will be safe for both the baby and for herself.
Mental health screening: Emotional readiness is equally important as physical wellbeing. Both the surrogate and intended parents often undergo psychological screening to ensure they are prepared for the unique emotional journey of surrogacy.
Background checks: These ensure that all parties are entering the relationship with transparency and trust.
Together, these evaluations provide the foundation for a safe and informed match.
Step Two: Matching with a Surrogate
Once the screening process is complete, the agency or concierge team begins working with intended parents towards matching with a surrogate based on compatibility. The case manager will take into account everything from lifestyle preferences and communication styles to location and family dynamics.
This step often includes sharing surrogate profiles with intended parents — detailed summaries that include personal background, motivations for becoming a surrogate, family information, and key medical details. The goal is to identify someone who not only meets the medical and legal fit but also feels like a natural emotional match.
Step Three: The Introduction
When a potential match is found, both parties are introduced, typically on a virtual “match call”. This meeting allows them to ask questions, discuss expectations, and determine if they feel comfortable moving forward together.
Agencies often describe this moment as “the spark” — when the surrogate and intended parents realize they’ve found the right fit. It’s not unusual for this connection to evolve into a lifelong relationship.
Step Four: The Legal Process
Once both sides agree to move forward, and the parents’ fertility doctor has done an in-person medical examination and evaluation of the surrogate, the legal process begins. Attorneys for both parties draft and review a legal contract that outlines rights, responsibilities, financial arrangements, and the plan for medical decisions during the pregnancy.
This stage ensures that every detail is clear and legally sound, protecting both the surrogate and intended parents. Once all contracts are signed, the medical process — including embryo transfer — can officially begin.
For a deeper dive into the challenges and realities of finding a surrogate, you may want to read how hard is it to find a surrogate.
Surrogate Matching Criteria
Not every surrogate-intended parent pairing will be the right fit. The surrogacy matching process uses several key criteria to help determine compatibility.
Medical and Health Criteria
A thorough review of medical records and delivery records ensures that the surrogate’s body is prepared for another pregnancy. Fertility specialists look for healthy pregnancy histories, full-term deliveries, and no major complications. Intended parents may also have specific medical considerations related to embryos or genetic material that influence the match.
Psychological and Emotional Readiness
Because surrogacy is an emotional commitment, mental health plays a huge role in the matching process. Surrogates must demonstrate emotional resilience, a supportive family system, and the capacity to navigate complex emotions that can arise before, during, and after the pregnancy. Intended parents should also be mentally prepared for the unique emotional journey of surrogacy, including moments of vulnerability and uncertainty, as well as limited control.
Legal and Ethical Compatibility
Legal fit is another essential part of the surrogate match process. Each state or country has its own surrogacy laws, and not all arrangements are permitted everywhere. The case manager ensures that both surrogate and intended parents live in locations that are legally compatible and that both parties understand the terms of the legal contract before proceeding.
Lifestyle and Personal Values
Successful matches often come down to shared values and communication preferences. For example, some intended parents prefer frequent updates, while others are comfortable with occasional check-ins. Lifestyle compatibility — including beliefs about diet, exercise, medical decisions, travel flexibility, and openness about the process — all factor into the match.
Communication and Relationship Dynamics
Finally, agencies look for alignment in communication styles. Healthy communication helps prevent misunderstandings and builds trust throughout the surrogacy journey. A strong relationship between surrogate and intended parents can make the entire process more positive and fulfilling.
Final Thoughts
The surrogate match process is one of the most important stages of the entire surrogacy process. It’s where relationships begin, trust is built, and the foundation for a successful journey is laid.
When done thoughtfully, matching surrogates and intended parents isn’t just a transaction — it’s the creation of a partnership grounded in empathy, integrity, and shared hope. By understanding the steps, criteria, and emotional depth of the process, intended parents and surrogates alike can begin their surrogacy journey with clarity and confidence.