How To Pick A Sperm Donor
The surrogacy journey is made up of many important steps, and each one plays a role in shaping your future family. Some steps feel logistical and straightforward, while others are deeply personal and emotional. Choosing a sperm donor often falls into the second category. For many intended parents, it can feel overwhelming, complicated, and even intimidating at first. There are medical factors to understand, emotional decisions to work through, and practical considerations that can affect the overall process.
I’m sharing this guide on How To Pick A Sperm Donor to help make this step feel more manageable. Whether you are just starting the process of choosing or already browsing profiles at a sperm bank, having clear information can help you feel more confident and grounded as you move forward.
How To Pick A Sperm Donor
In this post, I’m walking through what a sperm donor is, how sperm donors work, what to consider when choosing one, and how much a sperm donor typically costs. My goal is to provide a practical, informative resource that answers common questions and helps you understand what really matters during this part of the surrogacy journey. Choosing a donor is not about finding “perfect,” but about finding the right fit for you, your values, and your future family.
What Is A Sperm Donor
A sperm donor is an individual who provides sperm for the purpose of helping someone conceive a child. In surrogacy and other forms of assisted reproduction, sperm donors are often used when intended parents cannot or choose not to use their own sperm. Donors may be known (such as a friend or family member) or anonymous, most commonly through a licensed sperm bank.
Most intended parents work with a sperm donor through a sperm bank because of the extensive screening, testing, and legal protections involved. These banks collect and store sperm, provide detailed donor profiles, and ensure that medical history, family history, and genetic screening requirements are met. This structure helps protect both intended parents and the child in the long term.
How Do Sperm Donors Work
Screening And Medical Testing
Before someone can become a sperm donor, they must go through a thorough screening process. This includes physical exams, infectious disease testing, and genetic screening to reduce the risk of genetic diseases and birth defects. Reputable sperm banks follow strict FDA guidelines and often go beyond the minimum requirements.
This screening process is one of the biggest reasons intended parents choose to work with a sperm bank rather than a private arrangement. Knowing that donors have been carefully evaluated provides peace of mind and helps ensure the healthiest possible outcome.
Donor Profiles And Background Information
Once approved, donors create detailed profiles that intended parents can review. These profiles typically include physical characteristics, educational background, interests, personality traits, and sometimes personal essays written by the donor. Many profiles also include childhood photos, which can help intended parents feel a stronger sense of connection during the process of choosing.
Profiles usually outline the donor’s medical history and family history in detail. This information can be important not only for conception but also for your child’s long-term health and understanding of their genetic background.
Anonymous vs. Open-ID Donors
Most sperm banks offer both anonymous and open-ID donors. Anonymous donors remain unidentified, while open-ID donors agree to the possibility of future contact once the child reaches adulthood. This is an important decision and one that can impact your child later in life.
Some intended parents feel strongly about preserving anonymity, while others prioritize openness and future access to information. Neither option is right or wrong—it’s about what aligns with your values and vision for your future family.
What To Consider When Choosing A Sperm Donor
Medical History And Genetic Risks
One of the most important considerations when choosing a sperm donor is their medical history. Reviewing personal and family medical history helps assess the risk of genetic diseases and inherited conditions. Many intended parents also consult with a genetic counselor to better understand test results and carrier statuses.
Reducing the risk of birth defects and serious medical conditions is often a top priority, especially when investing emotionally and financially in a surrogacy journey.
Family History
Family history goes beyond immediate medical concerns. It can provide insight into long-term health trends, longevity, and inherited traits. This information can also be meaningful for your child in the future, as they may want to understand where they come from and what runs in their biological family.
Physical Traits And Personal Characteristics
Physical traits such as height, eye color, hair color, and ethnicity are often part of the process of choosing a donor. Some intended parents look for similarities to themselves, while others focus more on health and personality traits.
Personal essays can be especially helpful here. They give a glimpse into the donor’s character, values, and motivations for becoming a sperm donor, which can make the decision feel more human and less clinical.
Mental Health Considerations
Mental health history is another important factor that should not be overlooked. Many sperm banks include psychological screening and evaluations, and some intended parents choose to speak with a mental health professional during this decision-making process. This can be helpful if you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or unsure about how to weigh certain factors.
Working with a mental health professional can also help you think through future conversations with your child and how donor conception fits into your family story.
How To Choose A Sperm Donor
Clarify Your Priorities
Before you start browsing profiles, take time to clarify what matters most to you. Is it medical history? Educational background? Open-ID status? Having clear priorities can make the process of choosing less overwhelming and help narrow your options more efficiently.
Use Filters And Tools Wisely
Most sperm banks allow you to filter donors based on specific criteria. Use these tools thoughtfully, but try to remain flexible. It’s easy to get caught up in minor details that may not truly impact your future family in a meaningful way.
Don’t Rush The Decision
Choosing a donor is not a step that needs to be rushed. Take time to review profiles, revisit your shortlist, and sit with your feelings. This decision will play a role in your child’s life, and it’s okay if it takes time to feel confident.
Think Long-Term
As you choose a donor, consider how this decision may affect your child later in life. Access to information, openness, and the ability to answer questions honestly can all shape your child’s understanding of their identity. Resources like a detailed surrogacy timeline can help you see how this step fits into the bigger picture.
How Much Is A Sperm Donor
The cost of a sperm donor varies depending on the sperm bank, donor type, and number of vials purchased. On average, a single vial can range from several hundred to over a thousand dollars. Open-ID donors often cost more than anonymous donors.
Additional costs may include shipping, storage, and genetic testing. Some sperm banks offer free consultations or promotions, and a few may offer free initial access to donor profiles so you can browse before committing financially. The number of vials you need will depend on your fertility plan and your medical team’s recommendations.
While this can be a significant expense, understanding costs upfront helps you budget appropriately and avoid surprises later in the process.
Choosing a sperm donor is both a practical and emotional step in the surrogacy journey. It involves medical facts, personal values, and long-term considerations for your future family. By understanding how sperm donors work, knowing what to consider, and giving yourself time to make thoughtful decisions, you can approach this step with confidence.
There is no single “right” way to choose a donor. What matters most is that the decision feels aligned with your goals, your values, and the family you are building. With the right information and support, this step can feel less overwhelming and more empowering as you continue moving forward.