When I think about surrogacy, I think about the incredible love and intention that goes into creating a family. For many LGBTQ+ couples, starting a family through surrogacy isn’t just a dream, but a deeply meaningful step towards family equality. But as beautiful as the outcome can be, the process itself can feel overwhelming and complicated. From surrogacy laws to egg or sperm donation to reviewing gestational carriers and surrogacy agencies, there’s a lot to navigate.

So today, let’s talk about LGBTQ+ surrogacy: what it is, how it works, and what LGBTQ+ couples should consider as they begin their surrogacy journey.

What Is LGBTQ+ Surrogacy

LGBTQ+ surrogacy is when a member or members of the LGBTQ+ community build their family through surrogacy — that is, when another person carries a pregnancy for them. This process allows intended parents who can’t carry a child themselves to have a biological connection to their baby (depending on the method used).

There are two main types of surrogacy: traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy.

In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate’s own egg is used, making her the biological mother of the baby. This type is now relatively rare, as it raises more emotional and legal complexities.

In gestational surrogacy, which is far more common today, the surrogate (also called the gestational carrier) has no genetic link to the baby. The embryo is created through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using either the intended parents’ sperm and/or eggs or with the help of an egg donor or sperm donor. The embryo is then transferred to the gestational carrier, who carries the pregnancy to term.

For gay parents — particularly gay dads — this often means combining egg donation with gestational surrogacy. One or both partners may provide sperm, and a donor egg is fertilized and implanted in the gestational carrier. Surrogacy for gay couples is one of the most common and effective paths to biological parenthood available today.

Meanwhile, lesbian couples might use one partner’s egg and a sperm donor, and sometimes choose to have the other partner carry the pregnancy — a process often called reciprocal IVF, a form of family building that allows both mothers to share a biological and gestational connection to their child.

No matter the path, LGBTQ+ surrogacy represents hope and possibility. It’s about intended parents claiming their right to love and family on their own terms.

How Does Surrogacy Work For LGBTQ+ Couples

For LGBTQ+ couples, the surrogacy process typically begins with choosing a surrogacy concierge, agency or independent matching arrangement. The agency helps match intended parents with a gestational carrier and provides support throughout the surrogacy journey.

Here’s a general overview of the process:

Initial Consultation, Planning and Matching
The couple meets with an attorney, a concierge practice, a surrogacy agency and/or a fertility clinic to discuss their goals, budgets, timelines, and surrogacy options. This includes reviewing the types of surrogacy, identifying potential egg or sperm donors, and outlining the medical process of creating embryos. If you’re curious about how difficult it can be to connect with the right carrier, you might want to read more about how hard is it to find a surrogate — it’s one of the biggest early challenges intended parents face.
Embryo Creation and FET
The process moves into the fertility stage. The egg or sperm donation takes place either from a known donor or one chosen through an agency; the eggs are then fertilized with sperm and the resulting embryos are then tested. Finally, a selected embryo is transferred to the gestational carrier’s uterus through IVF and a procedure called a Frozen Embryo Transfer or FET.
Pregnancy and Birth
Once pregnancy is confirmed, regular monitoring begins, and the relationship between the intended parents and gestational carrier continues to develop. Many families stay closely connected with their carriers throughout the journey. When the baby is born, legal parentage is established based on the surrogacy agreement and applicable state law.

Pros Of Surrogacy For LGBTQ+ Couples

The benefits of surrogacy for LGBTQ+ couples go far beyond biology. For many, it’s a pathway to emotional fulfillment, family connection, and the realization of a lifelong dream.

1. Biological Connection To Your Child

One of the most meaningful advantages of gestational surrogacy is that one or both intended parents can share a genetic link with their child. For gay dads, this might mean using one partner’s sperm with an egg donor to create embryos. For lesbian couples, one partner’s egg may be used with donor sperm, giving them that same biological bond.

This biological connection can be deeply affirming — especially in a world where family equality still faces challenges. It allows LGBTQ+ parents to see their love reflected in their child’s features and to know that science helped make that connection possible.

2. Greater Control Over the Family-Building Process

Compared to adoption, surrogacy options offer more predictability and involvement for intended parents. From choosing an egg donor to forming a relationship with a gestational carrier, LGBTQ+ families can be active participants in every decision. The surrogacy agency facilitates this process, helping match values, expectations, and timelines so that the experience feels collaborative and transparent.

3. Emotional Fulfillment and Family Equality

For gay parents, the ability to bring a child into the world through their own genetics can be profoundly emotional. It represents more than biology — it’s a statement of family equality, of the right to love and parent without limitation.

Surrogacy allows gay couples to create families that are fully recognized and celebrated — a visible, powerful testament to love’s diversity.

4. Legal Recognition and Security (In Many States)

While surrogacy law varies, many U.S. states now have strong legal frameworks supporting gestational surrogacy for LGBTQ+ families. That means pre-birth parentage orders, legal contracts, and protections that recognize intended parents as the rightful guardians from day one.

Having a knowledgeable legal team and an experienced surrogacy agency ensures that everything runs smoothly, minimizing legal risks and maximizing peace of mind.

Cons Of Surrogacy For LGBTQ+ Couples

While the rewards are immense, surrogacy for gay and LGBTQ+ couples also comes with real challenges — emotional, financial, and logistical.

1. High Costs

There’s no way around it — surrogacy is expensive. Between egg donation, medical procedures, legal fees, and surrogacy agency costs, expenses can range from $150,000 to over $200,000.

This financial weight can be daunting; while some employers now offer fertility benefits that include surrogacy, many still don’t, leaving couples to fundraise, borrow, or save for years.

2. Complex Legal Landscape

Surrogacy law isn’t uniform — it varies widely not only by country but even by state. Some regions welcome gestational surrogacy and protect intended parents’ rights; others prohibit it altogether.

That’s why working with an experienced legal team and surrogacy agency is essential. They can navigate the contracts, court orders, and birth certificates so that your parental rights are established securely and ethically.

3. Emotional and Logistical Stress

The surrogacy journey is long — often 18–24 months — and filled with emotional ups and downs. IVF cycles may fail. Matching with a gestational carrier can take time. Communication can sometimes be complicated, especially when navigating distance, boundaries, and expectations.

It’s a process that requires patience, vulnerability, and trust. Many intended parents describe it as one of the most emotional experiences of their lives — both rewarding and deeply challenging.

4. Ethical and Cultural Considerations

Although surrogacy is a beautiful option for family building, it does raise ethical questions around compensation, consent, and exploitation. For LGBTQ+ families, particularly those pursuing international surrogacy options, it’s vital to ensure that all participants — especially gestational carriers — are treated ethically and with respect.

Choosing a reputable surrogacy agency and being involved in every decision can help align your values with the process.

If you’re just starting to explore surrogacy, you might find it helpful to read my earlier post, Let’s Talk About Surrogacy — it breaks down the basics in a friendly, approachable way.

In the end, LGBTQ+ surrogacy isn’t just about creating a baby — it’s about creating a family. And that, at its heart, is one of the most powerful expressions of love there is.

LGBTQ+ Surrogacy